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Month: January 2004

Novelist, Essayist, (Recovering) Journalist

Everything I Need To Know…

I learned from Rocky Horror. That’s right. Everything anyone needs to know about life can be learned from watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I guess it’s because I find that there are three major life lessons you have to learn as you grow up, and all three are contained within the scenes of this…
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Free Choice, Free Will, and Free samples.

I’m bowled over every time I get an email offering to increase the size of body parts with a miracle pill. Mind you, I already knew that if I wished to grow breasts I could do so — oddly enough by taking a pill. Unfortunately for the spammers, I know that those are not the…
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The hell of writer’s block.

And five other reasons I’m utterly failing on my New Year’s Resolutions… Okay, so not really. Writing six reasons why I’m failing at my New Year’s resolutions would be pointless, right? So instead, we’ll talk about work and happiness and gratitude. In that order. Or maybe not. Maybe we’ll talk about kitty cats and how…
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The Operational Definition of Insanity

It is important, in this the new year, to lay out a series of precepts that the entire world across which I recreate myself should operate. Ironically enough, they all boil down to the following maxim: Doing the same thing expecting different results is, quite frankly, insane. (I think Einstein said this first.) Where this…
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Wal-Rant.

I won’t name names of a certain giant retail conglomerate that has a reputation for entering small towns (and several rather large ones) and driving out competition by undercutting prices. I’m not complaining about that — after all, competition is the name of the business. However, I will complain about something else. When you wait…
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My New Year’s Resolutions…or, The Art of Being Socially Anti-Social

HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!! Now that we have that out of the way, let me be very clear: 2003 was a year. 2004 is a year. Nothing of massive note happened in 2003. I mean in a hundred years, to hear about the year 2003, you’ll have to take a 400 level history course at…
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