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Category: Rants

Novelist, Essayist, (Recovering) Journalist

The end of hatred on (our) airwaves?

(Or: Rush Limbaugh should just STFU.) I believe we are witnessing the death of hatred on the public’s airwaves. Let me start by saying that I will defend, to the death, the right of anyone to say anything they damned well please, so long as they do not represent a public threat (the classic “shouting…
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Wal-Mart, you’re still the Devil

A couple of weeks ago, I tweeted that Wal-Mart is the Devil. This morning, the company’s Twitter-monitor replied. Below is the e-mail I sent to the Twitter-monitor, who asked if there was anything that Wal-Mart could do to make my customer experience better. To Whom it May Concern: I recently received a tweet-reply to a…
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Quinn Fabray is dead (Or at least she should be)

Before I go any farther down this particularly dangerous rabbit hole, please understand that I am a huge Gleek. First among my loves on Glee is Miss Quinn Fabray, portrayed by the ever beautiful Dianna Agron. That being said, I’m a writer, acutely aware of storycraft and always on the lookout for  those times when writers…
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An Open Letter to the Bully Tracy Morgan

Or: Why people ignore celebrities, even when they’re right Dear Mr. Morgan, As a huge fan of NBC‘s 30Rock,  I’ve grown accustomed to your on-screen persona, Tracy Jordan, spewing any amount of stupidity. So it really came as no surprise to me when I read on TMZ.com that you had taken to the stage at…
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The “N-Word”

Or: Why Samuel Clemens would pimp slap Alan Gribben. Note: This blog post will use language that some (read: Alan Gribben) might find offensivem, including frequent reference to and usage of, racial slurs. If you are offended by my use of these words in this post, please click here … and never ever come back.…
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Wal-Rant 2.0: Another day, another Wal-Mart excursion

Or: Why I won’t shop at Wal-Mart until the dictatorship changes regimes. Anyone who has been a longtime reader of this blog will know I have a long-standing love/hate relationship with Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the Svengali-esque corporation that controls 11% of the Global Domestic Product. That’s not an exaggeration, by the way, that’s according to…
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Rise of the Übermensch.

So the world is upset that Justin Bieber was caught smooching in the back of a car. Before we go any further, let’s stop for a second and weigh this. So a famous teenager gets caught making out in a Honda with a girl — and this upsets the teenie boppers everywhere. Had the Bieb…
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On the Merits of “Service Compris”

Or: Tip? I got your tip right here! I lunched just the other day with a friend at a local buffet that also provides a la carte service. I’ve frequented this establishment since it first opened and was, in fact, the very first paying customer through the door on the day it opened. Which is…
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An Open Letter

TO: National Pork Board 1776 NW 114th Street Des Moines, Iowa 50325 1-800-456-7675 515-223-2600 info@pork.org FROM:Michael DeVault RE: National Pork Board’s Cease and Desist to ThinkGeek.com To Whom It May Concern: Please let this letter serve as notice of my intent to lead a national boycott of American-produced pork products. I am not a member…
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Is this what Journalists have become?

Like every red-blooded American male, I love sports. I love sports news almost as much as I love the actual watching of the sport. Golf is no exception, especially since it produced for us an American hero. Had he followed after President Barack Obama’s meteoric rise, we might well have referred to Tiger Woods as…
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