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Green Lizard Regulation

Green Lizard Regulation

This morning, I overslept, demanding that I request an emergency ride from my grandfather. When he arrived, there was a lizard perched on his hood a la hood ornament. I laughed, thinking that he had glued a fake cameleon to his hood. It turned out to be real. Later that day, I had a conversation with the financial aid people at the University. Oddly enough, the conversation with Financial Aid ties directly into the green lizard on the dashboard.

It seems that every year, the award letters go out with a disclaimer printed in fine print on the back: This award is contingent upon payment in advance for your classes and satisfactory completion of the semester before a refund will be issued.

Knowing in a school where 75% of students are on full financial aid, I thought that there was absolutely no way this rule was enforced. However, my past dealings with the university have led me to the belief that you follow *every rule* absolutely until told otherwise. So I went to the office and asked. The man behind the desk shook his head. “No, that’s not real.”

“In other words,” I replied, “it’s one of those fake requirements?” He nodded.

“Yep, a fake requirement. Sorry.”

I left financial aid and figured out what the green lizard and Financial Aid have in common. Just like no one bothered to tell the green lizard that it is probably not a good idea to ride around on the hood of a GMC Jimmy, it’s not a good idea for the financial aid people to put crap on their letters that they don’t mean. Both can lead to very bad experiences, both for the lizard or financial aid, and for us the viewer and the student.

C’est la vie.