An Open Letter
TO: National Pork Board
1776 NW 114th Street
Des Moines, Iowa 50325
RE: National Pork Board’s Cease and Desist to ThinkGeek.com
To Whom It May Concern:
Please let this letter serve as notice of my intent to lead a national boycott of American-produced pork products.
I am not a member of PETa, I am not a vegetarian or vegan, and I’m not a member of the Cattlemen’s Association. I love the products produced by the many fine members of your institution and consume pork on an almost daily basis. Why, then, am I leading a national boycott? I never realized eating American-produced pork would incite abject stupidity in the consumers of the products. I am referring, of course, to your ridiculous “cease-and-desist” demands on the web site thinkgeek.com.
I’ll spare you the legal arguments concerning why it’s ludicrous (parody/satire, fair use, etc.) and will spare you the arguments on how stupid it is to waste your money on filing such frivolous suits. Why? Because any organization that would mistake “Canned Unicorn Meat” for anything other than a joke is insane.
Other than clinical insanity, the only other possible explanation I can come up with is that eating American-produced pork makes one stupid. Therefore, I am mounting this national boycott of American-produced pork products until your organization instructs its attorneys to withdraw this obscene abuse of the American legal system.
Novelist, provocateur and recovering journalist
P.S. I’ve posted this on facebook and my blog. I hope you don’t mind. -md
P.P.S Did I mention my blog gets about 400,000 pageviews a month? – md