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My New Year’s Resolutions…or, The Art of Being Socially Anti-Social

My New Year’s Resolutions…or, The Art of Being Socially Anti-Social


Now that we have that out of the way, let me be very clear: 2003 was a year. 2004 is a year. Nothing of massive note happened in 2003. I mean in a hundred years, to hear about the year 2003, you’ll have to take a 400 level history course at a decent university. Chances are 2004 will be *exactly the same*. People won’t even remember it’s an election year. So what’s the big deal, right? Here’s what the big deal is: Marketing.

Alcohol, restaurant, and entertainment industries combine their forces for only a few select events. The Super Bowl, National Tragedies, and New Year’s Eve. And that’s about it. Even Christmas leaves out the food industry pretty much. So we “celebrate” a “new year”. It’s not *really* a “new” year, as the concept of a year was invented a long time ago and the very nature of the concept *dictates* that all possible years have already been invented. So tis an old year we’ve celebrated. And I don’t sit in my car and go ‘oh my god! Another MILE!” every time the fucking odometer clicks off another 5,280 feet. Of course not.

With that said…I’ve now been to a PARTY, WORKED a Party, and am now at an “after party”. Literally. Right now. I’m at the party, using the person’s WinTel machine (blech), missing my Mac, and writing this blog entry. Thus begins our lesson: Socially anti-Social.

It goes like this: Go to the party, hang out, be nice for about two seconds, and then let them know that there is something absolutely crucial you have to do and ask to politely borrow their internet connection. Then sit there, checking your email, reading the NYTimes Book Review (which I’m not on yet, by the way), and doing other odd chores. Just don’t download porn…that would be rather passe. Or if you so choose, at least be so kind as to invite your hosts in and download for an audience.

Here are my new year’s resolutions:

1.) Write this blog more regularly.

2.) Write on the book and finish it before I turn 27 on March 30th. That’s two chapters per week, roughly, or 50,000 words.

3.) Lose the ten (or fifteen for those counting) pounds I’ve gained and WORK THE FUCK OUT so I get in shape.

4.) Drink less regularly. (Note for those counting: I’m not drinking LESS, just less regularly. I’ll still drink as much…just not daily.)

5.) Get a better paying job.

6.) Publish at least one major article, short story, or a book.

7.) Find a woman who is worthy of my worship and adoration.

8.) Meet her kinky twin sister.

9.) Finish my fucking kitchen remodel.

10.) Take a real vacation that doesn’t involve staying with family.

11.) Stop counting the number of times I’ve seen “Moulin Rouge”. (126 if you were wondering.)

All admirable, worthy goals, I think. Then again, who the fuck am I kidding? 6,7, and 8 were on LAST year’s list.

Happy fucking New Year. 🙂