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Jessica Lang is still hot. (And other equally profound observations.)

Jessica Lang is still hot. (And other equally profound observations.)

Jessica Lang will forever be the beauty that tamed Kong. Lately, though, she seems to have stumbled into the realm of ‘crazy beautiful spurned chick who goes psycho’, a path that other great beauties have followed as well. Look at Joan Crawford, whose work strangely mirrored her life. Jessica Lang has now played a freakish Tamora in the Tabor production of “Titus Andronicus” and the psycho-electra-complexed mother in that Gwyneth movie I forget the title of.

This tends to be the pattern, though. Beautiful young actress, makes a splash. Goes nuts in movies–and then in real life. A few have avoided this…but they’ve always implanted some other equally un-desireable era in their career. (Betty Davis had the scary-woman syndrome, Blythe Danner that cool-color-wearing WASP bitchwife thing, still going btw, and Kate Hepburn, God rest her soul, played the debutante long past her debutante years (Desk Set anyone??).) I shudder to think about the future careers of Natalie Portman and Jennifer Aniston. You know what I’m talking about–that period of time where Jennifer Aniston is wishing someone would climb a wall to see her topless?

It’s all about aging, I think. Or more expressly, staving off aging for as long as you can. Crazy people don’t get old. Neither do bitches. That’s why we go in that direction. (Yes, even men! I mean does anyone actually believe that Amanda Peet would sleep with Jack Nicholson? Or Dianne Keaton for that matter.)

C’est la vie, kids. We get old. We die. It’s part of life. I guess it’s time we all started coping with that simple, stark — Holy shit, there’s a Starbucks.